A different KIND of Christmas

I knew this year was going to be a hard Christmas because we wouldn't have our Papa Don
who LOVED to be full of cheer at this time of year..

But never in my wildest dream would I ever think that we would be spending Christmas day in a hospital room. Have Pics to prove it! We made the best of it that we could. Needless to say I wanted to
Shoot my husband (calling it a wasted day) And My brother and his wife all they could talk about was
food.. (with my poor mom there NOT able to enjoy anything ) So needless to say I got NO cards out
my joy to do. But I did have a JOY of seeing my MOM be like a child at heart when I gave her
a doll... She was so very happy with it.. Papa Don would always give her Jewelry, Perfume,
and a doll or something that would make noise.. They were just big kids at heart..

 The next holiday coming in my favorite New Years , but sadly I am NOT enjoying it as much as I normally
do because I fell on Ice and Hurt my Shoulder/Arm.. And for some reason this year I only have one
calendar and one Planner.   (When I normally LOVE the dollar store kind, and have at least 3. )
When feeling better me and MOM have to fix this!!!
So much to say about the NEW YEAR but with my Arm starting to really hurt it will have to be
another time!

Cant WAIT to Start the NEW YEAR!!!!!

 

Wow WHAT a week!

1. Mom had a heart Attack
2. My friend who I ride with went NUTS at work.. I hope she has a job Monday.
3. I found the Christmas project for this year!
4. With Moms heart Attack decided to STAY home for Christmas and NOT do annual Event.
5. My sweet kitty is acting weird and I am just not sure how much longer he has.
6. My hubby had 3 days of Late nights and I was alone for 2 nights.. Nice
7. Hopefully today will get to visit with familiar church family. A BIG deal to get hubby to go!

That is the list of high lights. I feel my head spinning. So much to learn, to change, and then the
realization now that at any moment I could lose my mom.. It just hurts so much to think about it.
I have lost many family members it scary to think I only have a few left now. That is why Church
family and friends are so important to connect with... I don't want to feel alone! I know we are
never truly alone and I have my faith but its sure nice to have people to talk to who care.

On another note I did find a easy project to do for Christmas for friends and family which is
been such fun and therapy for me to do. I will do another post of those pics another day!

Thanksgiving 2013

What can I say.. Hubby was not having it this year! He worked the day and then came
and the taste buds didn't work.  But as usual we were with his family and fun was had
by all. Lots of food, games, Tv shows, and of course the phones looking at Facebook

People shopping and putting up trees is big on the to do lists for this weekend. I will
be so glad when the commercials are over about the shopping.  I used to think the shopping
experience was complete happiness but it only lasts for the moment and bills come and
things that are not budgeted bring sadness.
On my to do list is Vegging out and laughing with my son for the few days left that I have with him.


I was so looking forward to having 5 days off. But then the days are slipping away. I am
so glad a friend is coming today today to do the zoo night.. I get to feel young, be with the
young and be with my close friend which is all the therapy I can ask for...

Such fun we had.. Took some cute shots.. I think these two are my favorites! I love Giraffes and the colors of the zebras like a rainbow! It was a fun night and will always cherish my memories!

The Tree

This is the field I walk  before work.

This tree made me so happy the other day. The colors were as a  pic of art!

I love seeing all the colors around. There have been such bright reds this year!

This field has been a walk to remember. In the winter the edges fill with snow and

its been a challenging to walk threw but for now I will enjoy the sites. 

Pain

Last month I started what I feel will bring a new phase of life.

I had this huge shooting pain in my hip. I went to the doc after dealing with it for a few
days and he told me to ice and heat it 10/5 minutes at a time and gave me a muscle relaxant
and sent me on my merry way.  It worked for about a week.

Now the pain is back and decided to find another doc to add to this one! Feeling I need to take
a different route. I have never been much for Doctors or hospitals but I feel a change coming on.
I feel I will be seeing alot more Doctors and maybe even a hospital stay soon. Ugg.

I am a big person of prayers so hopefully I will have a few more visits to the doctor and start
a new plan of treating this.

Sadly this time of year I would have most of my Christmas projects almost done.
(crochet scarfs, Hats, last year it was owls and candy canes) But being in this pain
and the rejection of last year just has me down. I am still hoping to find a easy project
to whip up because I do enjoy seeing happy faces but I am just NOT so sure if its
possible.
Here is hoping!

A emotional and motionless day

Started my day feeling very emotional. A dear friend of my lost his best friend this past Monday.
I have lost many of my loved ones (my brother, a step brother, 2 Grandmas, 2 Grandpas, 1 Uncle and Aunt, a father n Law and 6mths ago a step dad) Losing your loved ones is never easy. 
This is a post that my friend wrote.

Monday evening,  (name withheld for privacy) passed from this earth with his mother, his best friend  and myself holding him and telling him that he is loved. My grief is unspeakable and I have never felt pain like this before. I know that in time it will get better, but He was a big dude with a big presence and he leaves a large void that will never be completely filled. Thanks to all of you and your kind words soothing thoughts and prayers. It is a comfort to my feelings of loneliness.

I thought this was so descriptive. I could feel his pain. I know that I will feel this pain down the road when my dear hubby leaves me from this earth too.  I think of it allot and know that a life can change in a moment. You just never know. 

So feeling this emotion I stayed home from work and was pretty still all day. Did some sleeping and watching  two movies. But that was just noise. I was just in a state of wanting to be still and not have asked any questions or think. 

But now I know time is come I have to make dinner and welcome the hubby home from work and be the nurturer  and soak in more time with being with him.  

So will conclude my emotional and motionless day. 

PS. I know I am very fortune to be able to do this and for some it be a wasted way to spend a day.  But know as I write this I am planning my list of catch up things that I could have done and plan to start them. 

What I hope for today is to begin and do better!

My New Obbession

This summer I reconnected with a high school best friend. We started off having Wed night swims with her two youngest kids. (she has 4)  I look forward to every Wed. knowing that after work I was going to have  a adventure. Always something new a different each time. My friend can get me to eat things I thought I never would. And her hubby likes me coming too because he calls me his drinking Buddie. (which the most I have is one) I love going to her house because I connect with the group of four each for their own personalities.
Its been a real life saver for me in the mix of all the added stress this year.

But back to the obsession my friends SON who is 8 is VERY crafty. He loves beads, yarn, paints, and now
these rubber band bracelets. I had a hard time doing it at first. I was making it harder than it had to be. But even so working with these little rubber bands was NOT easy for big hands. But I am on my way to making my 10th one now and getting the hang of it. What was nice was it was not expensive at all and the bright colors I am having a ball. But I don't know for how much longer because I feel the need to get started on
Christmas crafts. (which I said I WAS NOT going to do this year but I maybe changing my mind)

I am determined to do crochet or loom socks! I hope to find a way of doing it. Not a easy project but I
have been wanting to do them for years.  I will have to do a later post of the details of that! 

Talks of the chair

The Chair!
Talk talk talk of having a chair!
I have been hearing about a chair since about a month since my mom moved in.. (4mths now)
 I was just not sure how much more could hear it!
Had many ideas and many places that she had looked.
 One sales person had told us our sales are on mothers and fathers day.. Yippee Late again.
Also had her brother looking for one for her too.

 So needless to say I had some extra time yesterday waiting for a ride from work.
 And did more Internet browsing of places to go for it. 
Saw that there was a Labor Day Sale and it was pretty much what she wanted to spend.
 (until we found out about delivery prices, but still OK )
  The only thing is only one on the floor and this color was out of  stock so she decided to wait for it.
 Which is fine she has waited this long what is a few more weeks.

So needless to say I felt very accomplished and feel pretty good.


My hopes of the chair:

1. She will enjoy it
2. It will encourage her to have her own space
3. Give her a reason to get back to having her own place
4. That it will last her a long time
5. That she will not break the massager on it.
6. That my darling cats will leave it alone!
7. That my dear hubby will not have a fit and say its to big.

8. That she will not make tons of spills on it

That's my list for that!
More details after delivery I am sure!  

Here is my dear kitty known as Papa. He has been sick for 1yr now but is the most sensitive kitty
I have had! He is a big part of our family. He loves my husband dearly and these days is about
the only thing that makes him smile. He has been visiting us more often in our bed and likes to
come and snuggle in between us. Today I really think he saw the pain I was in and just was
purring and came to snuggle with me. Such a comfort.

My other friend lately I have been calling the keeper of the lighthouse..

She is a pill who love to sit by the windows and chasing all the light that see can. Crazy kitty!
But she is my buddy who likes pretty much me. She is very temper mental and can be mean.
(I guess I can too.. LOL ) But then also used to be called precious and was the cutest kitty ever.
I think like me see has been abused and people have been mean to her. Just like me.
She is also very vocal with her complaints and loud. Just like me! LOL

OH well enough of the kitties but I guess with my son being out of the house they are my kids!
Yep they are spoiled rotten and bring me joy.. My sadness is coming that yes they too being
15yrs old will soon be leaving me too.. In life there are seasons of change for all things.
BUT for now I shall have the joys of the kids!
       

Suffering

The famous question of suffering has always been out there and people ask it in their anger and pain.
Why is there suffering if we have a God who LOVES us?

I read this and thought it was 6 interesting
reasons:

1. Suffering makes us human.
2. Suffering gives greater appreciation of them moments of comfort.
3. Suffering is only as bad as we make it.
4. Suffering of knowing the potential of hardship and living threw it.
5. Suffering is NOT an indictment of our self worth.
6. Suffering is normal part of Parenting,marriage, work and the worthwhile endeavor.


That's one physiologists view on it. Pretty straight forward. Not sure if I would agree or
even if it makes it easier. But I do agree our attitude does make a difference. But having
the skills and mind set to be able to keep going when you are in pain is another thing.

I know this past year I have see my two dads give me a glimpse of what it is to be in
some REAL suffering , (cancer and Liver/heart failure) the last 6mths of their lives were
the hardest but I know they both handled their suffering with Grace and a drive to
make most of each day.

This weekend will be our 1yr anniversary of my hubby's dad passing. I know  they  are all
trying to handle  grief in their own ways. I just wish that we could live with the Grace that he
had died with. The times of his suffering sure brought the family together as a bond as no other.
Now they have to find another way to keep that bond going. Not so easily done.
It has to be a group effort and this group has some work to do.

Vacation 2013

What can I say... I just found it wonderful to be OUTSIDE and enjoying a peacful place!

I had a pool to myself and took full advantage of it! (crying and all)
Chance to really think and talk but mainly just BE!

It was different for me from most times of writing and reading.
I did take along my Kindle and I am really building up a nice libriary.

Had a phone distaster and thought I lost my contacts and pictures.
Had to wait till home and got a recovery of some things. UGG.

All in All it was what I needed to be out of the city, resting, looking at nature, swimming, and
chance to be with my hubby. (even though he was in the worst state I have seen him)
Still trying to find a way to bridge the comunication gaps. But somehow my Love for him
still seems to grow each day. Just dont know!

Missing MONDAY

Today waking in pain and worried I yes decided to stay home and being missing work.

I wish I was home alone just to sleep, read, craft, write, eat, watch tv and relax.

But instead I am spending the day in bathroom allot and waiting for the phone calls.

But such is life. Its ok its still a break from routne. I will still find to rest and wait.

I welcome the break! I saw a awesome quote today that is really helping me today.

DONT MAKE A PERMANENT DECISION
FOR A TEMPORARY EMOTION.

The day of the RAIN

Well Stayed home from work today like a few other people on the web. Its amazing how rain
and some flooding can effect people. The highway closed and cars at stand still.

As for me I was hoping to come home and do some more motivational cleaning for my moms move in.
But I sure Am Not getting far. I have played some games, took a nap, watched some TV, Pintrest,
and now into the world of Blogging. I get lost catching up and enjoying seeing posts.

All I can think of is I want to do a Craft, read some magazines, do my nails and go watch a movie with
a friend. Now that sounds like a plan but in my head it sounds so selfish. My hubby working like so
many others and I should be a adult and do cleaning and even do some job hunting.
 But it just don't know. The other things sound so much fun. Maybe I will do a comprise.

Isn't that what is all about. Balance and Comprise. Have to do the right things but Life is also suppose to
what you enjoy.

Life is what we make it and what we do with it. Reading, writing and planning all in the details.

I had such a GOOD sat doing this with a neighbor! There was 5 of us all with different ideas and
creative talents! It was a bit time consuming but there was eating, laughing and music playing so
time just flew by!  I hope to do this again!

Maybe this will part of the new Christmas project for next year!

Don't like CHANGE

So many changes for me to adjust to. To say that I don't like changes is a understatement.
I don't want this to be a total complaining session so yes I will end in my grateful list but
for now I must vent.

So I thought going into a change of  NEW technology would be a good thing. Getting smart
phones to have a better phone and etc. For me its been fun but also just another thing to keep
up. Now instead of just keeping track of minutes I have found myself checking making sure I
am not going over the DATA plan. Just another obsession. But I do have less drop calls so for
me a upgrade but not so for the hubby. So he is still in phone misery. I keep saying call the
wonderful ATT people to talk to them. But that's just asking to much.. So I say THAT'S YOUR
PROBLEM.. And I go on enjoying.. Does that sound evil?

The next change is learning to live without his dad and my step dad. I knew it was going to be
hard but I just live in memories flooding me so much of the day. But NO real regrets which I
am sure that is more than allot of people could say. But it just so saddens me that I will not
have MORE time with them till we meet in the next journey.

Another change for me is no longer being part of the fun car pool I had. I still see the group which
is a good thing but the fun we had along the way is now replaced by me being in noisy buses and strangers.
Thank Goodness for my phone and having a books.

My final change is coming in May and it SCARES me SO MUCH! My mom is planning on living with us.
I so feel like I am losing the Independence that I do have. (Which is NOT much) My hubby is doing this as
a promise we made to her hubby. But my biggest fear is losing my hubby and not being able to keep a
relationship with hubby and MOM. I know people do it all the time and its normal to have stress with it.
So I am expecting the worst and hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised with getting some new memories.

So Now after all my complaining here is my GRATEFUL LIST:

1. I am LOVED by God , Jesus and Holy Spirit.
2. I am some what Healthy
3. I have a job. (yes its NOT the best, but it does provide)
4. I have the freedom to go to church each week
5. I have access to music anytime I wish
6. I have clothes that are comfortable
7. I have access to clean water. To drink and bathe when ever I wish
8. I can WALK to library for BOOKS, DVD, and BOOK CLUB
9.  Thankful for Sat. mornings just to BE HOME!
10. I have a sweet FRIEND that I know reads this and Still loves me!

Thanks for taking the time to read the thoughts in my head.

My favorite Purse

 

Here sits my favorite purse that mom bought me from our favorite store.

(which is now closed sadly and I think was our last purchase)

We got a deal on it and I do really love it! (like $7)

Its light  I can really stuff things into it or having nothing in it all.

I took this pic to be playing with my new phone and add more pics to my blog.

I for sure know that purses are a BIG thing in my family.

Mom is never happy with what she has had and probably has

gone thew 20 of them in the last year.

So you ask me what women carry in the purse:

1. Calender

2. Phone

3. Note pad /Pens

4. Wallet

5. lip gloss

6. lately Advil

7. Work details- (time zone map, hours, zip codes)

8. Small bible

9. Gum/ Lately cough drops

10. Comb/ Hair clips

That's the small list. Love when you go to a shower and they play whats in

your purse. I always seem to have the things they look for.

Its always good to be ready for anything . I know some Moms that really have

cool stuff in their purses. They could really win.. LOL

Calender to help with lists

 

So here is one of the calenders I have been using. Believe me I do have a collection.

But this one seems to fit me right now. It came from a trip to dollar store with my

mom which seems to be my favorite place to go lately. Cheap and fast.

Going to spend allot more time with mom now that soon she will be living with us.

It all seems so strange and I know life will never be the same again.

But that is OK sometimes life has to change and I do know that nothing

stays the same. I am a person who believes to look at the bright side

of life and find the good in all thus the love for my lists!

So this list will be, Good things about mom coming to live with us:

1. I will KNOW she is safe

2. Spend more time with her

3. Have nights of not having to be alone.

4. Someone to watch mushy movies with..

5. She is wanting to have cable. (and pay for it)

6. I will be coming up with new cooking ideas.

7. She has a car, so yes I WILL be learning to drive (DREAM come true)

8. Being able to go for groceries more often.

9. Down sizing her things and ours

10. Learning more about family history and stories..

So now what does all have to do with my calender well not sure.. LOL

But I do know for sure I will have lots to put on my to do calender. 

A trip to a store!

 

So recently I had a very fun trip to a store with a dear friend and her boys..

 Look what I found! I so want to try and make these! 

It was a fun day and a loud day that I will forever think back on and smile...

Some things I learned NEW that day was:

1. I am NOT a fan of crowds!

2. I do LOVE riding on highways!

3. Swedish Meat balls are still the BEST!

4. Bathroom dryers can SCARE children.

5. Two boys can BEAT me at a game of connect! Fun!

6. I LIKE taking random pictures. 

7. Just because something is cheap doesn't mean I have to buy it.

8. It makes me sad when people are sick and they don't want help.

9. I LOVE ice cream even in the winter!

10. I enjoy seeing my dear friend no matter what or where we do.

 (although that is not NEW I have KNOWN that for a long time!) 

My Papa Don

I know in life you have to take the good with the bad... But also in life things can start off bad
and then turn into something really good. That is if you have a open mind and heart.

That is how it was with Papa Don. My sweet brother Gene and Aaron now both moved on
to the next life were the ones that wanted my MOM and his DAD to get married.
I was not crazy about the idea just for the simple fact that his wife had just died and also had
been married many times. Also that it would be adding 3 more strangers into our group.

But my brothers were determined to become brothers encouraged Mom and Don to date
and then get married. So they then did and that was my first time going out of Moms house
into Grandpa Hanes Basement with me and my Son. (which is another interesting journey
saved for another time)

As years went by I learned that Don would make Mom happy and the New blended family
would and could be fun.. Don was a adventurous, creative and fun to talk with. So I guess
you can say he grew on me and now 21 yrs later I can say he was dear to me.

But this also came to be because of a Forest Glen Church that became another family to
me. Very sweet and down to earth people who LOVED us just the way we were.
Pastor John and Grace now were just not Pastors but Friends to us that became part of
our lives. We went to dinners, plays, movies and even a party at their house.

And with this they also made such a BIG impact on Papa Don that he became a changed
man. He had always been able to talk to people with ease but now he was excited about wanting
to share Jesus with them! He had many health problems and going to dialysis was now another
place that he wanted to share Jesus! I sure do think he made allot of friends along the way.

So now as the night before we do a memorial of his life I hope to remain strong and do
as he wanted to NOT cry and to take care of my mom!

I also keep seeing in my mind him just talking away to everyone and having such a awesome time!
I look forward to that day when we all will be together and enjoy our new lives!

4 Words for Week

Well cant say much about Christmas this year. People sick, People late, FALLS, and missing kids.
But on the other hand the good news the games where awesome. Hubby's meatballs went very
fast. He got a great phone which I call a machine because he can do everything on it. I am hoping
to be able to get one in Jan....He bought me a printer that I can do so many of my crafts and projects
with! It is so fast and wonder.. I never thought I would be excited and happy about it but It sure makes
me happy!!!!!

So on to New year 2013... A start of a New calendar! LOVE IT!!! I LOVE calendars.
Last year I had one I used for work, bedroom, events, and journals..I guess it reminds me
of lists that I can create which I love to do.. The only thing is time just seems to be flying
by to quick that I cant keep up..

So now that the New year is here I am going to share the 4 words for my blog days
for each week! 

1.. WRITE- Blog, Journal, Letters,

2. WELCOME- Each moment, New friends, NEW Job
3. WONDER- Explore, be curious, marvel a site of seeing a miracle. (a Dictionary definition)
 4. WISE- Learn something, Reading, talking, creating.



I hope to do this each week! We shall see!!!!