A emotional and motionless day

Started my day feeling very emotional. A dear friend of my lost his best friend this past Monday.
I have lost many of my loved ones (my brother, a step brother, 2 Grandmas, 2 Grandpas, 1 Uncle and Aunt, a father n Law and 6mths ago a step dad) Losing your loved ones is never easy. 
This is a post that my friend wrote.

Monday evening,  (name withheld for privacy) passed from this earth with his mother, his best friend  and myself holding him and telling him that he is loved. My grief is unspeakable and I have never felt pain like this before. I know that in time it will get better, but He was a big dude with a big presence and he leaves a large void that will never be completely filled. Thanks to all of you and your kind words soothing thoughts and prayers. It is a comfort to my feelings of loneliness.

I thought this was so descriptive. I could feel his pain. I know that I will feel this pain down the road when my dear hubby leaves me from this earth too.  I think of it allot and know that a life can change in a moment. You just never know. 

So feeling this emotion I stayed home from work and was pretty still all day. Did some sleeping and watching  two movies. But that was just noise. I was just in a state of wanting to be still and not have asked any questions or think. 

But now I know time is come I have to make dinner and welcome the hubby home from work and be the nurturer  and soak in more time with being with him.  

So will conclude my emotional and motionless day. 

PS. I know I am very fortune to be able to do this and for some it be a wasted way to spend a day.  But know as I write this I am planning my list of catch up things that I could have done and plan to start them. 

What I hope for today is to begin and do better!

My New Obbession

This summer I reconnected with a high school best friend. We started off having Wed night swims with her two youngest kids. (she has 4)  I look forward to every Wed. knowing that after work I was going to have  a adventure. Always something new a different each time. My friend can get me to eat things I thought I never would. And her hubby likes me coming too because he calls me his drinking Buddie. (which the most I have is one) I love going to her house because I connect with the group of four each for their own personalities.
Its been a real life saver for me in the mix of all the added stress this year.

But back to the obsession my friends SON who is 8 is VERY crafty. He loves beads, yarn, paints, and now
these rubber band bracelets. I had a hard time doing it at first. I was making it harder than it had to be. But even so working with these little rubber bands was NOT easy for big hands. But I am on my way to making my 10th one now and getting the hang of it. What was nice was it was not expensive at all and the bright colors I am having a ball. But I don't know for how much longer because I feel the need to get started on
Christmas crafts. (which I said I WAS NOT going to do this year but I maybe changing my mind)

I am determined to do crochet or loom socks! I hope to find a way of doing it. Not a easy project but I
have been wanting to do them for years.  I will have to do a later post of the details of that! 

Talks of the chair

The Chair!
Talk talk talk of having a chair!
I have been hearing about a chair since about a month since my mom moved in.. (4mths now)
 I was just not sure how much more could hear it!
Had many ideas and many places that she had looked.
 One sales person had told us our sales are on mothers and fathers day.. Yippee Late again.
Also had her brother looking for one for her too.

 So needless to say I had some extra time yesterday waiting for a ride from work.
 And did more Internet browsing of places to go for it. 
Saw that there was a Labor Day Sale and it was pretty much what she wanted to spend.
 (until we found out about delivery prices, but still OK )
  The only thing is only one on the floor and this color was out of  stock so she decided to wait for it.
 Which is fine she has waited this long what is a few more weeks.

So needless to say I felt very accomplished and feel pretty good.


My hopes of the chair:

1. She will enjoy it
2. It will encourage her to have her own space
3. Give her a reason to get back to having her own place
4. That it will last her a long time
5. That she will not break the massager on it.
6. That my darling cats will leave it alone!
7. That my dear hubby will not have a fit and say its to big.

8. That she will not make tons of spills on it

That's my list for that!
More details after delivery I am sure!  

Here is my dear kitty known as Papa. He has been sick for 1yr now but is the most sensitive kitty
I have had! He is a big part of our family. He loves my husband dearly and these days is about
the only thing that makes him smile. He has been visiting us more often in our bed and likes to
come and snuggle in between us. Today I really think he saw the pain I was in and just was
purring and came to snuggle with me. Such a comfort.

My other friend lately I have been calling the keeper of the lighthouse..

She is a pill who love to sit by the windows and chasing all the light that see can. Crazy kitty!
But she is my buddy who likes pretty much me. She is very temper mental and can be mean.
(I guess I can too.. LOL ) But then also used to be called precious and was the cutest kitty ever.
I think like me see has been abused and people have been mean to her. Just like me.
She is also very vocal with her complaints and loud. Just like me! LOL

OH well enough of the kitties but I guess with my son being out of the house they are my kids!
Yep they are spoiled rotten and bring me joy.. My sadness is coming that yes they too being
15yrs old will soon be leaving me too.. In life there are seasons of change for all things.
BUT for now I shall have the joys of the kids!
       

Suffering

The famous question of suffering has always been out there and people ask it in their anger and pain.
Why is there suffering if we have a God who LOVES us?

I read this and thought it was 6 interesting
reasons:

1. Suffering makes us human.
2. Suffering gives greater appreciation of them moments of comfort.
3. Suffering is only as bad as we make it.
4. Suffering of knowing the potential of hardship and living threw it.
5. Suffering is NOT an indictment of our self worth.
6. Suffering is normal part of Parenting,marriage, work and the worthwhile endeavor.


That's one physiologists view on it. Pretty straight forward. Not sure if I would agree or
even if it makes it easier. But I do agree our attitude does make a difference. But having
the skills and mind set to be able to keep going when you are in pain is another thing.

I know this past year I have see my two dads give me a glimpse of what it is to be in
some REAL suffering , (cancer and Liver/heart failure) the last 6mths of their lives were
the hardest but I know they both handled their suffering with Grace and a drive to
make most of each day.

This weekend will be our 1yr anniversary of my hubby's dad passing. I know  they  are all
trying to handle  grief in their own ways. I just wish that we could live with the Grace that he
had died with. The times of his suffering sure brought the family together as a bond as no other.
Now they have to find another way to keep that bond going. Not so easily done.
It has to be a group effort and this group has some work to do.

Vacation 2013

What can I say... I just found it wonderful to be OUTSIDE and enjoying a peacful place!

I had a pool to myself and took full advantage of it! (crying and all)
Chance to really think and talk but mainly just BE!

It was different for me from most times of writing and reading.
I did take along my Kindle and I am really building up a nice libriary.

Had a phone distaster and thought I lost my contacts and pictures.
Had to wait till home and got a recovery of some things. UGG.

All in All it was what I needed to be out of the city, resting, looking at nature, swimming, and
chance to be with my hubby. (even though he was in the worst state I have seen him)
Still trying to find a way to bridge the comunication gaps. But somehow my Love for him
still seems to grow each day. Just dont know!

Missing MONDAY

Today waking in pain and worried I yes decided to stay home and being missing work.

I wish I was home alone just to sleep, read, craft, write, eat, watch tv and relax.

But instead I am spending the day in bathroom allot and waiting for the phone calls.

But such is life. Its ok its still a break from routne. I will still find to rest and wait.

I welcome the break! I saw a awesome quote today that is really helping me today.

DONT MAKE A PERMANENT DECISION
FOR A TEMPORARY EMOTION.